Rossman Therapies

Couples counseling

Online couples counseling in California

Every couple struggles sometimes. Reaching out isn't a sign your relationship is failing. It's a sign you both care enough to understand what's happening between you and try something different.
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When couples come to see me

  • —The same argument on repeat
  • —Feeling like roommates
  • —Trust shaken by an affair or broken promise
  • —Decisions about moving, money, or children
  • —Blended families
  • —Retirement, an empty nest, or illness
  • —One partner's health condition
  • —Deciding whether to stay together

How we'll work together

We'll start with a joint session about your history, what's working, and what hurts. I may meet with each of you once on your own so I understand both perspectives.

From there, we'll slow down the moments that go wrong between you. Most couples are caught in an unproductive interaction pattern: one partner pursues and the other withdraws, or both get defensive. The pattern is usually the problem, not either person. As each of you understands what you feel and need in those moments, you can start responding to each other differently.

What a session looks like

60 minutes by secure video. You can join together from one screen, or from two locations if you live apart or travel.

Four patterns worth knowing

Researchers at the Gottman Institute identified four communication habits that, in their research, predict the end of relationships, along with a healthier move to replace each one.

Sounds like

"You never think about anyone but yourself."

Try instead

Name the specific issue and how it affected you: "I felt hurt when plans changed without a call."

1 of 4 · Criticism

Try this at home

Rewrite the opening line

How a hard conversation starts usually decides how it ends. Fill in your own words and see the difference.

"You're always on your phone. You never want to talk to me."

"I feel lonely about our evenings on our phones, and I need one screen-free dinner a week."

Name your loop
Give the recurring fight a nickname, like "the dishes loop." Then either of you can say, "We're in it again."
Agree a time-out word
One word means "I'm flooded." Take about 20 minutes apart, then come back to finish.
Repair out loud
"Can we start over?" or "I'm getting defensive, give me a second." Any attempt counts.
Free guideProven methods, tools, and tips you can use at homeRead the guide →

Trusted resources

The Gottman Institute blog ↗
Free, research-based articles on conflict, trust, and connection.

Books worth reading

  • Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson
  • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman and Nan Silver
  • Eight Dates, John and Julie Gottman

Questions about couples counseling

Do we both need to attend every session?+
Usually yes, with an occasional individual session so I understand each of you.
What if my partner isn't sure about counseling?+
A free consultation together is a low-pressure way to see what it's like before anyone commits.
Will you take sides?+
No. My role is to help you both understand the pattern between you, so neither of you has to be the villain.
Can you help if we're considering separation?+
Yes. Counseling can help you decide with clarity, and part with care if that's the choice.
Is online couples counseling effective?+
For most couples, yes, and it removes the hassle of commuting to an office together.

Ready when you are.

The first conversation is free, and there's no pressure.

Book your free consultation